September 15, 2017: Happy 2nd Birthday Clark!

Happy 2nd Birthday Clark Job Edman!
2 Years since we met for less than a moment…
9 Months of a hidden life…
But ALWAYS & forever a victorious one…

You have not left our hearts for a moment. These pictures are what we’ve done without you these 2 years. We’ve missed you and can’t help but think you have reminded us of your presence in the sun rays, in the waves, in our crosses and in our joys.

We are so thankful for your heavenly inspiration…

We are ALWAYS yours…
You are ALWAYS ours…
And we are ALWAYS His and for that reason we will rejoice through the tears.
Happy Birthday dear son,
Enjoy the banquet!
-Dad, Mom, Gabe & Laz

Happy Birthday Clark Job Edman by Slidely






It’s no surprise that nature’s seasons are often paralleled with seasons of life. Change occurs in nature, in life, in faith as we encounter birth, death, transformation, new challenges and old ones that come back again and again. Life seems to cycle and repeat itself while at the same time proving to be an ever-changing dance. Like the seasons themselves, the bereaved heart experiences changes and repeats, its icy times and times of melting and re-birth… It cycles, it doesn’t stop, it’s unpredictable often hitting us when you’d least expect it.

So what do we do when the weather changes? When the first snowflakes start to fall we begin to wonder where the shovel is, we change the tires on our cars, we prepare the flower beds and hunt down the snowsuits. We embrace the fact that winter is coming… There is some wisdom to these mundane acts as I realize how different I handle the changes that take place in my heart, as I begin to feel the icy pangs of my missing child again. Oftentimes, instead of recognizing the pain as reality and making necessary adjustments, I dig my heels in and say “No” to winter. I say “No” because it hurts, because my life doesn’t have time for me to feel this way, because I’m blessed in so many ways that I shouldn’t feel this dissatisfaction, because I think i’m a failure for having to go back to square one yet again.

I have to confess that I despise winter since we buried our son. As the first frost comes I get that motherly instinct telling me that his body is cold, that I need to hold him (another nice side-effect for the bereaved parent). It’s horrible and the ice begins to grow in my heart once again. I feel the hardness take over as I try to ignore it, I sense it in my faith as I begin to feel numb and lost.

It’s time to allow myself to embrace this season.

Ironically, seasons of the heart don’t necessarily correspond with seasons of life. I have caught myself crying for my child in heaven as I feed his younger brother, here, in my arms. It is such a tug and pull as I fall in love with our sweet rainbow baby (spring if there ever was one) while also surviving winter and what seems to be this life-long brokenness that comes and goes as it pleases. I want to forget the hard stuff and just remember how happy Clark is with God, but winter comes roaring in and it won’t be ignored. Finally I say hello to this old, un-friendly face of grief and I let myself mourn with my child in heaven, because I love him and miss him. I visit his grave, my husband and I talk about him, I talk to God about him and things begin to melt again. As each season changes, I learn and re-learn that it has to be moved through, embraced, realized, and appreciated in order to experience the Springs of this life.

Regardless of how inconvenient, each season is a reality, like the snow that needs to be plowed off the driveway. Sometimes grief can seem like a chore, sometimes like a mountain that cannot be moved, but i’m learning that to ignore it is to slowly freeze in that place making it harder and harder to move forward. We have to swallow the pain, take it when it comes… It will go away for awhile and life will bring new seasons and then this old friend winter will be back again and that is our humbling reality.

Winter is cold, the icy wind and snow can sting, but it is also breathtaking when we take a moment to stand back and look at the beauty of each snowflake and how it dances in the wind -The same can be found when we step back and embrace the cold, dark days of grief and the beautiful souls that inspire them. Each soul, like a snowflake, is unique and incredible to dwell on. Grief demands that we look deep into the beauty of the love we have for that person we’ve lost, even if it causes great pain – and through our tearful eyes we can feel a sense of healing.

With each new year, each repeat of seasons already visited, I realize that grief is never-ending but with that I also know that the love I have for my child is like the love God has for all of us… un-changing, never-ending, regardless of season, and I can rest in that.


Sirach 2:1-11

“My son, when you come to serve the LORD,
stand in justice and fear,
prepare yourself for trials.
Be sincere of heart and steadfast,
incline your ear and receive the word of understanding,
undisturbed in time of adversity.
Wait on God, with patience, cling to him, forsake him not;
thus will you be wise in all your ways.
Accept whatever befalls you,
when sorrowful, be steadfast,
and in crushing misfortune be patient;
For in fire gold and silver are tested,
and worthy people in the crucible of humiliation.
Trust God and God will help you;
trust in him, and he will direct your way;
keep his fear and grow old therein.

You who fear the LORD, wait for his mercy,
turn not away lest you fall.
You who fear the LORD, trust him,
and your reward will not be lost.
You who fear the LORD, hope for good things,
for lasting joy and mercy.
You who fear the LORD, love him,
and your hearts will be enlightened.
Study the generations long past and understand;
has anyone hoped in the LORD and been disappointed?
Has anyone persevered in his commandments and been forsaken?
has anyone called upon him and been rebuffed?
Compassionate and merciful is the LORD;
he forgives sins, he saves in time of trouble
and he is a protector to all who seek him in truth.”

Sirach 2:1-11

Interview: Clark’s Story Parts I & 2

We recently had the opportunity to share Clark’s story with our dear friends Jake and Lindsay in southern Idaho on Salt and Light Radio, their show is called Where Faith Begins. If you’d like to hear Clark’s story from our lips feel free to click on the podcast below which features Parts 1 & 2 of Clark’s Story.

Being able to talk about our sweet son and all that he has done in our lives is such a gift and we hope it brings love and inspiration to the many out there who are suffering themselves. God is close to the brokenhearted. He is with us every step and asks that we reach out to hold His hand in trust. Praying for all of you and still passionately waiting to embrace God and our loved ones in heaven! Love you Clark Job

Part 1 of Clark’s Story:

Part 2 of Clark’s Story:

Love Requires Death

Isn’t this a warm and fuzzy title?

Love requires death of self. Life in God requires death of self. Marriage most certainly requires death of self. But this is only the first part of the message of love.

Jesus’ response to death is life. And He formed marriage to be a beautiful kind of resurrection, where two die and become one in Christ. When we die to self, God can enter in along with a passionate love for our spouse. Recently at the Catholic Answers National Conference: Restoring Marriage Today my husband and I got to listen to a great line-up of speakers on fire for their faith, especially on the topic of strong marriages in Christ. I have to admit we were sent home with a lot of things to work on, which means our marriage can be even better! *wink*

So here’s a list of practical advice I took from the conference.

  • Treat your spouse better than you treat anyone else.
  • Always practice good manners
    • ex. say Please and Thank You.
  • Have mercy on your spouse and ask God for His mercy on your own faults.
    • Embrace the confessional
  • Forgive as God does, fully.
    • See the “Our Father”
  • Say “I love you” at the very least, daily.
  • Pray together
  • Help one another
  • Recognize that you are one, none of this “I’m right, you’re wrong” stuff
  • Unite often, spiritually and physically
  • And keep dying to self… over and over and over again.

A very common definition of love used by the Church is by Thomas Aquinas, who writes “Love is to will the good of the other.” I must use my will to think, act and want the good of my spouse. Notice there is no “What have you done for me?” in love. If Christ asked this of us, we would fall extremely short of deserving His love, instead He gives it freely. Like Christ, true love exudes, it is outpouring. Love is not concerned with how it feels, it’s only concern is the eternal happiness and goodness of the lover. So here’s to striving for selfless love, daily, over and over again – because it is so challenging for our fallen nature and so necessary for our salvation. Dying to self is how we live out our vows, how we grow in love and how we create strong, lasting marriages. Keep it up my friends, let’s root each other on. My husband and I are DYING to get to heaven! *another wink*