“On This Day”

A year ago to this day, much of the world got to meet our dear baby, Clark. Unbeknownst to us, the album, kept public for the sake of sharing with family/friends who were praying for us, went viral. These photos containing memories of his very short life capture things that cannot be said and the vulnerability and love that we experienced during this time is still difficult to grasp for ourselves.

A year ago to this day, I held the mouse over the “Delete” button as I watched numbers and comments soar… “This was never supposed to happen. I don’t think strangers should be seeing this. What will people say? What will they think of my sweet, broken son? Why is this happening? I will just delete it to be safe.” I sat there for several minutes praying and asking God why this was happening and what I was supposed to do. No great voice sounded telling me exactly what to do, I just forced myself to ignore the selfish reasons for hitting delete, like not wanting to be so open to the judgement of others, and only beautiful reasons to leave it remained.

I remember reading through some of the comments and couldn’t believe the love, prayers and healing that were taking place through the bright light of our son’s tiny life. Families facing the hopeless road of a bad diagnosis were given hope and a reason to hold on, if only for the gift of loving and embracing their child while they could. Mothers who were never allowed to see or hold their stillborn baby finally got a glimpse of that special baby. Siblings who never got to meet their sister/brother were able to feel a sense of love and closure for the person they knew existed but had no memory of. Nurses and Doctors who’ve watched parents treat life with such little respect were given hope by the love we had for our son. Grandparents, aunts, uncles, friends of parents who’d lost children were given a taste of the heartbreak that comes with loss like this. Families who were whole were reminded of the precious lives of their children and the blessing they are! And best of all, as Christmas was just weeks away, we were all given the opportunity to reflect on the tiny, helpless infant who would be born to such hostility and vulnerability, in order to save us all so that we might have heaven with him.

So what has a year meant to me and my family, since our greatest pain and most bittersweet experience of love was made public? Mainly two things:

  1. There is so much loss in this world and so many countless souls to pray for…
  2. Every. Single. Life. Matters…

In regards to the first, I will never, ever, ever, have cause to feel alone or ungrateful for the life I’ve been given. For the last year I have been a place to come to for empathy and prayer and I tell you if I truly prayed as much as I should for the many souls out there I would not have time for anything else. This is such a broken, tragic world. So much pain and suffering. Where war, hate, indifference, disease take countless lives, so many of them children… Where tragedy and odds strike innocent bystanders for no known reason. It is too much for me to grasp, too heavy for my shoulders, but so clearly real and constant in this life I can only pray and reach out to the closest broken heart. My eyes have been open to a small sliver of the knowledge of suffering and how no life is immune to it. Death is a daily reality and it’s worth praying about. And thanks to our sweet boy in heaven I have continual opportunity to hope in a life after death and to pray that one day we can all be at rest and made whole in that beautiful experience.

Secondly, every human life matters more to this world and to our Father than we will ever know. Want proof? Look at our sweet Clark Job. The objective details of is life? He lived in utero for 9 months. We have no idea if he ever had a single thought. He passed during birth, his lungs never experienced oxygen. He was deformed, incomplete. His life was essentially nothing. Yet here we are sharing how he was so much more and witnessing a greater impact on the world than most know in a lifetime. This is not to say that a life lost and forgotten does not have the same value, quite the opposite in fact. What we do know from witnessing this for a year now is that only God can fathom the impact of every. single. life. and we are doing an injustice by underestimating the beauty and value of every soul thought into existence, regardless of their time here on earth. For these reasons I will always weep with you for your loss (miscarriage, infant, child, adult), every single one matters! Every life lost is a void in this life. I’m reminded by the quote from It’s a Wonderful Life, “Strange, isn’t it? Each man’s life touches so many other lives. When he isn’t around he leaves an awful hole, doesn’t he?” Yes, each life touches so many other lives, it’s beyond our knowing. That awful hole should always remind us of the great value God puts in each one of us and the beautiful purpose each one of us has eternally. 

A year ago to this day, I had very little understanding of how God’s plan was playing out or how His will corresponds to the tragedies that take place every second throughout the world, including the death of our son. Today, I still will not claim to understand. I will say this, He has shown us – by walking with us – the way we are to journey through this valley of tears. We must continue on by holding each other up, sharing the burdens, loving selflessly and wholeheartedly, praying and depending on him for everything, and with our eyes on the Joy of heaven!

I want to thank you all for this year and for continuing to send love and support our way. That awful hole is still there, but we are more and more inspired to follow God’s calling and the example of our son’s life. Wishing you a very blessed, meaningful, inspiring Christmas as we once again turn to the Infant Jesus and contemplate the incredible gift of Himself!

“Because of his boundless love, Jesus became what we are that he might make us to be what he is.”
-St. Irenaeus

View Clark’s Story & Album here: https://lifeloveloss.org/2016/02/26/meet-clark-job/

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Interview: Clark’s Story Parts I & 2

We recently had the opportunity to share Clark’s story with our dear friends Jake and Lindsay in southern Idaho on Salt and Light Radio, their show is called Where Faith Begins. If you’d like to hear Clark’s story from our lips feel free to click on the podcast below which features Parts 1 & 2 of Clark’s Story.

Being able to talk about our sweet son and all that he has done in our lives is such a gift and we hope it brings love and inspiration to the many out there who are suffering themselves. God is close to the brokenhearted. He is with us every step and asks that we reach out to hold His hand in trust. Praying for all of you and still passionately waiting to embrace God and our loved ones in heaven! Love you Clark Job

Part 1 of Clark’s Story:

https://secure-hwcdn.libsyn.com/p/d/5/7/d57cbf88715bc124/Where_Faith_Begins_Show_7_111016-PODCAST.mp3?c_id=13284680&expiration=1481681349&hwt=0436b1aab89a1922245dcc6a4c5e1c14

Part 2 of Clark’s Story:

http://hwcdn.libsyn.com/p/b/1/8/b189e10c3619ae71/Where_Faith_Begins_Show_8_112416-PODCAST.mp3?c_id=13286658&expiration=1481681129&hwt=4d101b8809a23dcf91635d292f0e1d2c

November 1, 2016

Got to visit our little saint in heaven on this special feast day!! Enjoy the banquet son!

Oh how we love you saints in heaven! Pray for us and thank you for inspiring our walk and relationship with Jesus   Happy All Saints Day!! #allsaintsday#dailyinspiration #prayforus #ClarkJob14947464_10202689988688666_5563547180460267619_n.jpg

2016 Summer-love for Clark

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Soaking up this heavenly sun with big brother…

 

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This boy and these tulips remind me that Joy has been made available to me throughout all these dry, painful days in my heart.

I see so much in these little red tulips… I appreciate their resilience as they grew even when they were left to die to make room for a driveway. I appreciate their color because it is so bright and boldly itself. They seem forgotten, but God sends them rain and sunshine, and they continue to bloom even though they’re broken. But you wouldn’t know their strength at first glance.. I will always be thankful for the bottomless love and understanding I find in friendship with God. He heals me with the smallest details and continues to pull me through the hurt. I hope God sends you a tulip today

 

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All my LVE Angel Babies, Mamas and Dadas #todayshow #clarkjob#lifeloveloss #newyork

 

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Gabe wanted to share his most prized possession with baby “Tark” today.#brothers #everlastinglove #clarkjob

 

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Holding each other up and laughing our way through as usual  Missed you today sweet Clark! Big brother Gabe loved the many waterfalls, bugs and trees and I’m sure you would have too!! If we can experience this here on earth, I can hardly imagine how amazing Heaven must be  Let’s go on a family hike when we get there

 

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“I’ll love you forever, I’ll like you for always. As long as I’m living my *babies* you’ll be.”

 

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“There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear…” 1 John 4:18

 

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“Family… where life begins & love never ends.”
-Unknown

 

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Family picnic with Clark today with lots of cuddles  The greatest comfort is the fact that God loves us even more than we love each other (which is A LOT). What an amazing thought! “See what love the Father has bestowed on us that we may be called the children of God…” -1 John 3:1 #thankfulforeachday

September 15, 2016: Happy 1st Birthday Clark!

Here’s a bit of our special day in celebrating one earthly year in heaven…. in honor of this sweet soul. He’s our hero and rooting us on everyday, through every cross and present in every joy. Thank you God for giving us such an incredible blessing of a son. We are so honored  Love you Clark, we miss you so much!

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August 13, 2016

Missing this one an extra lot today… So much love for him!

I can’t help the void in our daily lives or this void in my heart that wants to love on this one, specific child. It’s true, a parent’s love multiplies with each new son/daughter and sometimes it seems that our love is left unusable by circumstance, by loss.

But our son’s bliss is the medication for our survival here on earth. We know that he is experiencing infinite love and joy and for that reason we can accept that God would have us give that love to others until we can love on him face to face, soul to soul, in paradise.

I hope you can find comfort in this hope too. #clarkjob #alwaysinourrestlesshearts#lifeloveloss   

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July 19, 2016

13697062_10202250478981198_4137369483625399914_n.jpgJust as God sends lots of kisses our way there are also many piercings that come with the reality of being a bereaved parent. According to a thoughtful (but mistaken) sample package, we should be planning for Clark’s 1st birthday, trying solids and keeping our infant clean as he crawls and puts everything in his mouth.

It brings me to my knees when I think about all of the memories, first steps, laughter and life experiences we aren’t getting with our sweet boy. Days like this I pray for perseverance and a thinning of that veil that reveals just how important and beautiful and real a life in heaven is. Praying especially for families who are missing moments with their children today and forever praying that we can all experience what we were created for with God.

In the meantime we ARE going to celebrate Clark’s first birthday and we are looking forward to honoring his life a little extra on that special day. Because he did live, and in the greatest way continues to… And I hope we can all get to know him someday!

July 15, 2016

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Gabe, still fast asleep with ‘Clark Bear’ under his arm (which houses the recording of Clark’s heartbeat). How blessed we are to have these little ones to cuddle and love! How blessed I am to have a sweet son in heaven, who is no doubt praying for his new brother or sister on earth. Nothing but blessed. I never knew our hearts could be made so big through brokenness. God is still with us and always has been. His love endures forever and through everything… Know that He is with you too.
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Dear Clark Job, with God’s help we are 10 months closer to being wholly with you. Give Jesus a kiss for us! We continue to love and miss you and anticipate knowing you with every breath we take! #hopeinheaven #blessed #lifeafterloss #lifeloveloss

June 7, 2016

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“The reality is that we don’t forget, move on, and have closure, but rather we honor, we remember, and incorporate our deceased children and siblings into our lives in a new way. In fact, keeping memories of your loved one alive in your mind and heart is an important part of your healing journey.” ~ Harriet Schiff, author of The Bereaved Parent

I always think of our dear Clark, especially when God blesses us with a beautiful day as a family. It’s true that loss is like an amputation, it never leaves, and you always wish that person was with you experiencing the good things that come. But the love we have for our boy is always present and so is God’s love for all of us. Love connects us and on these special days, it’s love that remembers and hopes.

April 15, 2016: He’s forever in our hearts and now we wear his name…

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He’s forever in our hearts and now we wear his name. Clark’s daddy used his name and recorded heartbeat to shape a cross and I wrote his name with a c that looks like a wave to show the mysteriousness, beauty and depth of the Father’s love. We are forever thankful for our loving God and the sweet little boy He blessed us with!

“For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named, that he may grant you in accord with the riches of his glory to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in the inner self, and that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; that you, rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, so that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.” Ephesians 3:14-19